Emotion & Reflection in Your Writing: the Secret Sauce!
REFLECTION
If you’re just getting started with your memoirs, this is a good thing to have in mind. If you are in the process of revising your writing, get ready to roll up your sleeves, take a deep breath and REFLECT.
Either way, read on.
A memoir that is most effectively shared with readers utilizes all the narrative techniques you might find in memorable fiction. Reflection is the key element that will take the stories of your life from 2-dimensions to 3-dimensions, providing depth of meaning. It is one of the most important elements for connecting with your readers.
It also requires honesty. And often vulnerability.
Okay, here we go. Part one in your process of reflective writing.
Look at just one of your stories.
For a moment, forget you are sharing that story with anyone else. This is just for you.
Now, let yourself go back to the moment in time you’ve just written about. How did the actions, the words spoken, the situation make you FEEL then? What did you think about the other people involved or the situation? Or how did you feel about yourself at the time? Write it all down.
Try your best to describe these feelings of your younger self without self-judgement. But if a little bit of judgment seeps in, don’t worry about it. This does NOT have to be PERFECT! We don’t have to be perfect.
It’s also OKAY if your response includes contradictory feelings! It’s OKAY if it doesn’t seem to make sense! Remember, emotions aren’t logical, they’re psychological. And they are never wrong. They are simply feelings. Period.
Having trouble describing your feelings?
Use a thesaurus! I keep Thesaurus.com up on my computer all day long (not a sponsor!) Because it’s really helpful to find the right words for you. It will expand your emotional vocabulary.
AND the older you are—unless you were exposed to the study of psychology or are prone to deep introspection—chances are the less emotional vocabulary you have in your arsenal. This is also OKAY! Psychology is primarily a 20th century science. Much of what has been discovered in neuroscience, explaining our human psychology, has occurred in the new millennium, just the last 20 years!
Now, here’s part two in reflective writing.
Despite their seeming illogic, there are reasons for those feelings: the context of the moment, the setting and time and factors and players involved, your relationships, your personal history, what you ate that morning, what just happened a moment before, the day before, your expectations and concerns, all the layers of humanity that we each embody. This stuff is really hard to identify in the moment.
That’s where retrospection comes in. AFTER the moment. When it comes to a life memoir, it often comes WAY after the moment, after many other life moments.
So, now read or think about your story again. What does it mean to you now looking back? What did you learn from this moment? What would you tell your younger self? What does this moment mean to you now in the context of your life? Does it stand out because of its trauma? Or its pure joy? Was it a turning point? Or a typical moment in that part of your life (an iconic moment)?
Write that down, whatever reflections come to mind.
And you’ve done it!
Hopefully as you write more stories, it will get easier and more natural to include emotional language and reflection.
And don’t worry if it’s a little clunky right now. When you finish your first drafts, you’ve got the process of REVISION to smooth it all out and decide how much emotion and reflection goes where. (I’ll go over that later!)
So, how did that feel? Great? Not so good. Both reactions are correct.
Often this process can be therapeutic. You might be a bit tired afterwards if reflecting on something traumatic or a moment full of heightened emotions. So, take a break, go for a walk, get some air, take some deep breaths, get a hug or call a friend to say hi or pet the dog, watch a favorite TV show, whatever works for you. It’s okay.
That’s it. Now, write, reflect, repeat. If you do this, what you’ve written has the raw elements to be very powerful and meaningful for your readers.
At the same time, by getting your honest emotions and reflections out of your head—where they can be HUGE in that contained space—and out in the open and on paper, they become smaller, named and identified, separate, part of a story, your story, a human story. And that can often feel like a great relief. However it feels to you, it’s usually really valuable too. So, there’s value in this process for BOTH the reader AND the writer. It’s one of the many things I LOVE about what I do.
Thanks for your bravery! Below are a few quotes to support your process.
Stay tuned for more awesome tips on how to write great stories and ways to get started writing your memoirs and life stories!
Linda
“What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better.”
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
― Madeleine L'Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”
― Brené Brown
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
― Brené Brown
(Can you tell I love and highly respect Brené Brown’s work?!)
